what is...

• What is something you dislike about yourself? I dislike the fact that any weight I gain collects around my stomach only while my legs remain little sticks and my butt stays flat. This creates a disproportianate amount of muffin top to have to work with and I risk falling over.

• What is something you do well? I think I'm at my best when I'm watching soap operas. Not only can I tell them what they're doing wrong and how stupid they are through the TV, but I can also multi-task with a little salsa and chips. It's what I would consider my finest hour.

• What is your favorite room in your home and why? My favorite room is the laundry room. That's where all the magic happens. Literally. Where the fuck are all my socks?

• What is a good neighbour? A good neighbor is one who will let you borrow stuff and not get that mad if you mess it up.

• What is the worst thing parents can do to their children? The worst thing parents can do to their children is give them a hamster that eats its own arm off right in front of you. I'm over it though.

• What is your favorite time of day? My favorite time of day is right after I get home and put my pajamas on and right before that stupid kitten attacks my liver.

• What is your most indispensable possession and why? I would say it's my phone, because how else can you call pizza delivery? Oh, and if I got kidnapped, the cops wouldn't be able to trace my location. Think ahead.

• What is something that makes you feel sad? The end of the salsa. Not the dance. The tomato stuff.

• What is something that really bugs you? People who talk and talk and talk about stuff that I don't care about and they are too narcissistic to realize that nobody gives a shit. But they trap you like a little fly and won't let you get out of the conversation. You eventually have to play like you're throwing up to get away.

• What is the best advice you ever received? The best advice I ever received was to wear an Elizabethan collar around my neck when I answered the door in order to get rid of an annoying boyfriend.

• What is your favorite holiday? What makes this holiday special? My favorite holiday is Halloween. What makes it special is that grown people dress in ridiculous outfits, and rather than handing out candy they hand out shots. You haven't lived until you've seen a hairy man-chicken dancing on a bar.

For lack of anything better to write about.

Comments

[Russ]

So nice to see you back....